Monday, 10 May 2010

For the Single Ladies- Do you know when it's the right time to start dating?

Task #36 for the Single Ladies

I was speaking with my husband the other day and he mentioned something really interesting…

Do you know when young Christians should begin to date?

When the two of them are in a position to marry.

Think with me. Let’s create a scenario…

Why would a 15-year-old girl who is serious with God start to date a boy (who is of the same age and faith – or he could even be older than her), if neither of them is in a position to get married?

Or lets say that the boy is 20 years old, lives with his parents and is studying…

His studies will finish in 3, 4 or 5 years! And only after this can he begin to work and prepare for marriage.

So I ask you…

Why would you be dating for all that time?

Long-term dating only builds up anxiety and a danger of falling into sin. Christian dating is not the same as non-Christian dating, which, many times is long-term and the arrangement is no different than that of marriage.

The young person whose heart really is in the things of God, knows what she must do in order to preserve herself and that long-term relationships are very dangerous.

Let’s now create another scenario…

You are still young, but in the age range of 25 to 30 years old and are ready to marry.

Do you think it’s wise to get involved with a boy who still isn’t ready even if it means dating him for the next 5 years?

Here’s something more for you to think about…

Christian dating is so two of you can get to know each other better – to know a little more about the character and future plans that you each have.

You only start dating someone who you believe is the right person and know that is ready to get married – assuming that you are already ready to marry, right!

Look girls, wasting precious time on a long-term date that you clearly know is going nowhere will only be disappointing.

Task #36

“Be wise girls, dating is one step away from marriage… Ask yourself the following:

‘On starting this relationship, am I one step or one thousand steps away from marriage?’

If you are not one step away from marriage, then it’s better to wait…”

Many of you are now thinking…

‘But he’s been sent by God for me, and if I don’t accept him now, then I’m gonna lose him altogether!’

Here’s your answer:

If you lose him, then it’s because he’s not the one that God had for you in the first place!”

Ps. I would really like to hear your opinions on this topic.


  1. I think you are totally right! ... There is not point in dating long term, for that you might as well wait until both are ready for marriage and then date. Great topic, thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  2. I was always told that the only reason to date someone in church is if in a year you would be ready to get married. I saw many young people getting into relationships around me and I began to get anxious. But then I remembered the advice given to me and I was sure of a future blessing.

  3. I agree with this, as Christians we shouldn't date just to see whats out there or to have fun, so you should really only date someone who you see yourself marrying also see if thats the person God truly wants for you.

    Its a good message Ms Nanda and I think more people should see/hear this. God Bless

  4. Also, we might not be ready for dating or marriage when we have personal issues to resolve. A mistake a made before was to think of the person I was dating as the solution to my personal issues.



  7. "If I lose him, then it is because he is not from GOD!" that is what I always pray...=)

  8. My sentiments exactly! My sisters and I always talk about this. Here's another scenario: The guy is in his late 30s (7 yrs older than his girlfriend) but has no job. She has to beg him to find work and when he does he chooses leaflet distribution because it's not regular (just to please her). Everytime they go out it's to art galleries, the park or museums - you guessed it! All free places!

    This is a true story and I sat there wondering what this guy, who had been in the church for years, thought he was doing dating when he had no condition to take care of a wife. Thank God the woman who told me this took a wise decision and left him.

    Love the task on this one. Mrs Fernanda, I shall print this and put it on my wall!

  9. to be honest,this is so true & I always thought dating was getting to know the partner,to see whether you are meant for one another,never saw it as preparing to get married,but seeing it from this perspective,makes me realise that it really is a waste of time if the partner isnt ready to get married & you are..

    Thank you Mrs.Fernanda for this eye-opener,makes so much sense.

  10. Dear Mrs.Fernanada,

    I have to say that this blog has been very inspiring. This is my first time on this site and I kno that God has led me to this blog because i've been goin through a similiar situation stated above and i was asking God to reveal to me when it is the right time to start dating this boy that I've been talking to for over a year. I've been in church for almost three years now and hav been firm and converted ever since. Me and the boy are of the same position. We never actually became boyfriend/gitlfriend however we used to act like a couple. But about 2 weeks back we decided to not talk anymore at all, not through messages, or phone, or even in person! Because we really want to focus more on God and on Him using us. And we know that the work of God is all about sacrifices, and we chose to sacrifice eachother to leave more time for God. However, we know and have faith that God will find a way to bring us back together again when its the right time...but that was the problem. I was confused about knowing when would the right time be for us to talk again and start dating. You made great points that made alot of sense and you really helped open my eyes. Thankyou soo much Mrs. Nanda. God Bless you abundantly. Ciaoo :-)

  11. I must say that you are right if i would've have had some one to talk to me about this like 8 yrs ago i would've have not made the mistake in the first place. But i must say now i am a single mother of two beautiful girls ,How ever i know now to be very careful in dating !

    Thank you so much Mrs.Fernanda
    may god's blessing be with you always !!

  12. Yep i agree, it is about dating at the right time because i believe when we date we date the person because they have potencial to be our partner for life. and we have to be realistic to like u said, are both the women and man ready if not it will cause a whole lot of problems and hearts broken.

  13. I agree with every word you said. I remember when I like someone in the church, so I thought ok let me attend one love therapy service just to see what God says about this situation, so I went and did y part. After the service my youth pastor saw me and started to speak to me as to why I was here. I did not feel ashamed and told him the reason why I came. Then he was like and now how do you feel, in that present moment God spoke to me, I was no were near ready to date. I still had problems that I was fighting for like I mentioned I was new in the church, at the time I was not delivered. Who was I to enter a relationship still manifesting demons? I had goal in life that I wanted to reach and I knew that I could not even handle my own problems let alone someone else burden on top of mine. That was when I realised that even know I like someone that was how far it went I was not ready I am still not ready to date. And this is one thing youth never examine before dating, I would like to thank God for speaking to me when he did unless the devil would have destroy my life before it even started.

    Yinka London (FPK)

  14. All I can say is that I wish I had received this advice before I started dating. I know that the reason why we started dating was so that we can get to know each other and than get married. But how long does it really take to know someone? Because now we know each other and whats missing is only for us to get married... But the mistake that we made was that we decided that we were only going to get married in two years time...because we need to save up some money and get to "KNOW EACH OTHER". So I ask where do we go from here????? I would really advice those who are not yet in a relationship to really read this article well and understand it because it really does make a lot of sense.

  15. Always think am I thousand steps away or one step away. This really helps many of time we want to rush into love life without being prepared and little do we know we are rushing into danger.
    But God will always warn us it's up to us to take that warning or should I say to apply this blog to our lifes.

  16. Thanks very much for the advice. I really wished I read this before I started dating. However for this period I have been dating I have always kept my faith and we are all working together towards our wedding because I believe his from God and we know each other well.

  17. I know i'm a whole year late lol but i still love this post simply because its true, what is the point in dating if your not ready to get married... your kinda on the road to nowhere.

  18. This is a very interesting Topic!! I never thought about dating in that way!! Honestly, right now I'm really not into dating. But this is a perfect example people should follow before considering to date!! Thanks for the advice.

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  20. I agree 100% there really isn't any point in dating when you're not willing to take the next step of marriage; dating prematurely and for too long only opens the door to many temptations that can be easily avoided otherwise

  21. Hi Mrs Nanda, I just came across this blog, I have been dating a guy for about nearly a month and now from reading this blog I have thought about it and have noticed that I am not close to marriage and I was dating because I thought it was right and it is not the right time. I am going to call him and call off the relationship; I thought you can date for a long time- getting to know the person but now I know it is not the right time because I am not ready for marriage. Thank you for opening my eyes through this blog.


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