Friday, 12 February 2010

For the Single Ladies - Your # 1 Enemy!

Task #9 for the Single Ladies

“So, aren’t you going to find a boyfriend?”

“How about you, when will you get married?”

“Hehehe, you’re turning into an old maid!”

Look at how much pressure!

Just the other day I caught myself saying one of these phrases to my youngest sister-in-law, what lack of sensitivity on my part!

It escaped! Just after saying it, I felt angry at myself… “I expected more from you Fernanda!” I thought.

Really, it mustn’t be easy to support hearing comments like that.

Relatives and friends have no idea how something apparently so innocent, like the comments above, can lead a person to a state of great anxiety. They can even lead her to take decisions that she will regret for the rest of her life.

When you act based on this anxiety, you are acting by emotions and the results will certainly not be good.

I have a friend that knows this very well…

She was almost 30 when her family began to pressure her. They began to ask those little questions and many times they took it to the next level…

“Your biological clock is ticking! You are not getting any younger!”

“Do you want to be a granny-mom?”

So, anxiety struck…She began to worry about her love life. She forgot all about her spiritual side, she stopped trusting God and decided she had to solve her problem; after all God didn’t seem to be listening to her.

She began to date a guy and in less than six months they were married. In a year’s time, she was already having her first child.

Wow! You might think. How great, she solved her problem!


While pregnant with her child, she discovered that her husband was betraying her with her best friend.

When she confronted him about it, he decided to leave her!

Ok, I don’t even need to reveal the rest of her unhappiness for you to realize the big mistake she made!

My friends, I know it isn’t easy to overcome the anxiety, but it’s possible!

Don’t be taken away by comments or thought that the devil may bring, for he works in your mind with this feeling called anxiety.

Of course you have to do your part, but you must also trust God!

Seeking and waiting for the right person is worth it, I can prove it.

Know one thing: anxiety is your number 1 enemy at the moment!!!

How do you overcome it?

Here it goes…

Task #9

“First things first, if you want to be blessed in your love life, you must do your part! Here goes a list of things that you need to do…

  • 1. Start a purpose with God and participate in the Therapy of Love on Saturdays in the Universal Church.
  • 2. Don’t be silly, show up presentable and with your best face. Don’t forget about the mints in your purse. Always!
  • 3. Be alert because there are others there with the same intention as you, so look around.
  • 4. If you don’t see anyone interesting, don’t give up, remain firm.
  • 5. If you do find someone, don’t rush. Make it a point to get to know his character.
  • 6. Avoid being idle, for it is at that moment that the devil will attack with thoughts. Occupy your time! Get involved in a church group; get busy with the work of God. Evangelizing and visiting hospitals are great examples.
  • 7. If possible, have friends and go to the cinema, eat out, go shopping and things of this sort.
  • 8. Take a course! That’s right! In your struggle against anxiety and idleness everything goes! If the problem is money, search for something online and make an effort to learn! I have two cousins that speak fluent English; do you know how they learned? On their own! At the time they didn’t even have internet, imagine if they did!!!
  • 9. And the last tip, it should have been the first one because it is most important! HAVE GOD ALWAYS IN FIRST PLACE IN YOUR LIFE.

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

I believe in this word, how about you?!

For the Single Ladies - Baggage

Task #8 for the Single Ladies

If there is one annoying thing to do when traveling, it’s preparing our luggage.

We must think of everything up till the last detail and not forget anything. Not to mention the hassle of having to drag your luggage up and down the airport all the way to the check-in counter and upon arriving to the destination, having to do it all over again.

Did you know that there’s such a thing as a sentimental baggage?

When a relationship ends, we also pack our bags.

It’s a different kind of luggage, we don’t place clothing inside; instead we pack our feelings….

If he hurt you, you pack it in your baggage, if he betrayed you, it goes in the baggage and if he didn’t show you consideration, you place it in the baggage….

You leave that relationship and carry your luggage up and down until you start a new one, which is when you take the luggage and open it up!

You take out all of the feelings that were packed up in the luggage and introduce them to your new relationship… If your ex hurt you, betrayed you, showed lack of consideration you assume that your new partner will do the same. You believe he will demonstrate the same sort of behavior and do you know what will happen?

You will begin to take actions that will lead your new partner to behave in the exact same manner you were afraid of.

Remember when Job said “For the thing which I fear cometh upon me, and that which I am afraid of cometh unto me”? That’s right!

You are tired of knowing that if a person disappointed you, it doesn’t mean that another will do the same (that’s why it’s so important to get to know the person’s character), yet these feelings infiltrate themselves within you in such a manner that you only realize they are there through your own actions.

Task #8

“Analyze your actions and check if you are carrying around this baggage. Make use of your faith to free you from these feelings of insecurity that can be so destructive. A good exercise would be to take actions that contradict what you would normally do, go against these insecurities.”

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

For the Single Ladies - Gorgeous!

Task #7 for the Single Ladies

When I was little I had this photo of me as a baby with very short hair. All you could see were my eyes and head, nonetheless, my parent’s adored (of course!) this photo and decided to frame it and place it in the living room.

For my own anguish, all those that came to visit would say “Wow, what huge eyes! They look like two big grapes!”

You see, no one said “oh, how pretty!” of course not! No, they all had to mention the blessed big grapes! I resent that fruit till this day! lol

Well, those comments would get to me…. As I became a young woman, I continued to feel very uncomfortable with my big eyes and head! Not to mention my feet!

I hated carrots but would eat them like crazy, since my mother had said that eating lots of carrots would make your eyes turn green. I wish! I ate so many carrots that my eyes should’ve turned blue!!!

To complete the package, I started getting lice (how nasty!). They loved sucking my blood! My mom and grandmother tried everything. They’d get rid of the lice but I’d come home from school the next day with my head infested again!

At the time my hair was very long and I loved it! Not knowing what else to do, my mom took me to the beauty salon and gave me the final blow!!! Without me even knowing, she requested they give me the boy cut!!!

I was devastated for some time, I felt ugly… I looked like a boy!

While at the supermarket one day, a lady said “Hey boy, excuse me please!” I looked at her with so much hatred and yelled “I’m a girlllll!!!”

I don’t remember how we came across the subject, but I remember that one day a very dear aunt said “Nanda, have you looked at yourself in the mirror and realized how gorgeous you are?” “Yes, your eyes are big but they are beautiful, they’re expressive, your nose is perfect and you have a beautiful mouth!”

Folks, I must have been 12 or 13, but I never forgot those words! She made me see things differently…Of course, I still had insecurities but I began to feel more confident and even found myself pretty. I even began to change certain behavior. I don’t think she knows what good her words did to me!

Our self-esteem is very fragile! A single comment can either raise it up high or bring it down!

If you have high self-esteem, the possibilities of being successful are far greater than if your self-esteem is low.

A woman with high self esteem is sure of herself and her actions prove it. She knows her value, she knows what she can achieve, she believes in herself!

Enough with the inferiority complex! Work on your self-esteem, it needs to be high all the time!

We women are easily influenced with regards to our appearance, we are so sensitive right? That is a weak point that we need to strengthen!

Whenever I mention to my husband that Gisele Bundchen and Victoria Beckham are beautiful, he tells me he finds them horrific! At first, I didn’t understand- I even thought he was just trying to please me, but in fact their beauty isn’t enchanting in his eyes.

Perhaps, many may considered you to be the most beautiful or the ugliest of all women but there will always be someone who finds you gorgeous and someone that finds you horrific! The great difference will be in what you see yourself as!!!

You want another example? Have you ever seen beautiful women dating and marrying ugly men?

Have you seen Jennifer Lopez’s husband? That’s right, I’m sure that in her eyes he is quite handsome!!!

Have you ever met someone that you thought was beautiful, but after getting to know that person, you found them to be ugly? Or someone you considered ugly but later found them beautiful?

Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and your personality and attitude can transform you into a beautiful or ugly person!

Task #7

“Starting today your will work on raising your self-esteem. Look at yourself in the mirror and value your best features. Erase all negative comments you’ve heard and concentrate on the positive ones. The desired outcome is for you to feel confident and sure of yourself.

At the same time, you will do this for another person…create the habit of sincerely complementing others (your friends, mother.) It doesn’t cost a thing but it can change that person’s perspective.

You know the times you find something lovely in a person but you don’t say anything? Well, stop saving it!

Also, it’s important to be sincere when offering someone a compliment. Don’t be false because the other person will perceive it and it won’t be nice for you! If you can’t find anything positive to compliment, then don’t say anything.

If, on the other hand, you have the habit of pointing out defects, especially when it comes to other’s appearance, avoid doing so; unless, you do it very carefully and only with the intention of helping that person.

Remember that your comments can help to destroy that person’s self esteem…”

For the Single Ladies - Self Confidence

Task #6 for the Single Ladies

So you are dating and your whole life revolves around your relationship.

You don’t call your friends or even try to fit them in your schedule because your world has reduced itself to this relationship.

You practically stop living your life, you stop evolving because everything is about him.

You’re only dating but you give yourself in such a way that you become needy, insecure and many times you cling to him.

You call him all the time, you want to know where he was and who he was with, who he looked at, in short you want to control his life in all ways…

This attitude in many women will surely lead to a failed relationship…

And worse still, when the relationship does indeed end you are left feeling alone, lost and with your self-esteem shattered.

Dear single friends, entering a relationship is very serious but that doesn’t imply that your life has to stop or revolve entirely around that person.

I don’t know of any man that admires an insecure and clingy woman. Actions like the ones mentioned above demonstrate just that.

Task #6

“The best way to change this scenario is to get busy! Your life must go on, don’t annul yourself. Keep caring for your friends and family. Find time to dedicate yourself to Godly things. Try joining the evangelization group or other church groups, participate…”

This will help your relationship with God, your boyfriend and even your self-esteem!

And if you are not in a relationship at the moment, you will know how to proceed when the time come.

Thursday, 4 February 2010

For the Single Ladies - Self Love

Task # 5 for the Single Ladies

I was 15 years old when I begged my father to let me start dating. He insisted on telling me that he would allow it only after I was 20…

So one day, the guy I had a crush on came and asked my father for permission.

To my great surprise my dad approved!

A year or so later I was completely passionate about him, when I discovered that he had been cheating on me left and right. He even cheated on me in front of my friends who never said anything to me out of pity.

He broke my heart.

It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. You feel worthless, like nothing, garbage!

While angry, I didn’t think twice, I picked up the phone and ended the relationship there and than, but shortly thereafter a mound of thoughts came into my head...

“But I love him so much…,” “What if I give him another chance?” “How will I live without him???” “I lost him…” Waaahhh….

At the same time, however, something much stronger inside of me made me overcome all of those feelings…

Something called self love!

He asked me to get back together with him many times, but I stood by my decision and the more my friends and family said that I wouldn’t resist, the more resolute I became.

We never got back together!

My friend, how can you say you have Jesus and not have self love?!

Women and girls today don’t give themselves the value that they deserve which is why they are frustrated, unloved and unhappy.

Please don’t confuse this with pride, it’s not that at all, but we need to love ourselves!

If he betrayed you, broke up with you, didn’t value you, it’s his loss!

Trust yourself and your potential, don’t view yourself as worthless!!! No way!

Overcome all bad thoughts and doubts brought by the devil and look straight ahead!

I’m not saying it won’t hurt but it will certainly pass and you will later see what you were saved from.

We need to love ourselves like our Lord loves us and value ourselves the way He does!

How can you accept leftovers in a relationship while your Lord has a whole banquet set up for you?

It doesn’t make sense!

I write this message especially for a friend that wrote to me today asking for advice over a boyfriend that broke up with her. ..

So he treats you like trash and you would still like it if he asked you to give it another try?!

I have two words for the ladies that are in this same situation…

Self Love!

Task #5

“You need to value, love and believe in your own potential and above all believe in your God!

If you believe that God is with you, how can you view yourself like a looser?

That’s not possible!

It’s not enough to say that you love God; you must love yourself as well!

Starting today you will stop saying negative comments about yourself!

From today on, you will never repeat phrases like….

Oh, how I’m dumb!

I can’t do anything right!

I’m never going to get it!

Or any other phrase along these lines.

Remember…. “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

For the Single Ladies - Emotions...

Task # 4 for the Single Ladies

When you hear the words “man of God,” what’s the first image that comes to your mind?

Dress Shirt, tie, microphone in hand and preaching on the altar?

Not necessarily…

A man of God is not characterized by his clothing or because he is on the altar.

After my conversion I remember being very clear about what I wanted… To marry a man of God.

When I decided to give Junior an ultimatum (he was my boyfriend at the time) it was because that vision already existed inside of me. I didn’t let my emotions get in the way, for I knew what I wanted and I fought for it.

Gradually he began to change; it was wonderful to see his transformation right before my eyes. It was as if God was molding him for me…But I waited, I observed his actions, his character, his faith and it was only a year after his conversion that we decided to marry.

He wasn’t a pastor at the time, but he was already a man of God, fearful of the Lord and a man of character. I made sure to verify this and I still see it to this day.

You see my friends, I wanted to bring this subject up because I’ve received loads of e-mails from young ladies that claim to be in love with a pastor without having even spoken to them!

All they’ve done is observe them from afar.

How can you let yourself be taken away by your emotions like that?! How can you say that you love someone you don’t even know?!

The fact that they’re assistants or even pastors, doesn’t guarantee that they are truly of God! Many women have fallen in that trap, don’t become another statistic!!

You have to get to know his character, pay attention to the words he speaks and what interests him! You need to be certain that he is really fearful and loyal to God! You must be certain that he is indeed a man of God!

There’s more, if he has vision he will undoubtedly do the same with you!

I see such great haste to “solve” the love life issue and many women don’t even think about taking these steps. They are ready to hand over their lives and futures to someone they don’t even know…

Task #4

“From now on you must keep your emotions regarding your sentimental life, in check. Don’t let yourself be carried away over a simple glance...

If you’re already dating, you will begin to observe your partner until you’re certain that he is a man of God and emotions are not allowed! If you have to take action and end the relationship because you don’t see God’s character in him, don’t think twice and don’t be afraid. If you choose to fight for him, do it in faith, knowing that he has his flaws.

If you’re not dating, be aware of the steps you will need to take when the time comes.

Once again I repeat, don’t allow yourselves to be carried away by your emotions…”

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

For the Single Ladies - The First Husband

Task #3 for the single ladies!

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I was snuggly hugging my husband-oh, how delightful!

This is one of the things I love most in my marriage… It makes me feel secure, loved and certain that I’m in the right place.

Then I began to think about the single women that don’t have the pleasure of waking up with the love of their life by their side…

I continued to indulge in these thoughts before gaining enough strength to let go of the embrace and began to think about the married women that despite of having a marriage, do not share the same pleasure…

I looked at my husband and said… “How I love you Jesus.” I was going to say “I love you my love,” but at that very moment it occurred to me to first say it to Jesus, for He is the most solid love in my life. This husband is always in first place, therefore, there is nothing more fitting…

This marvelous husband raises me up when I’m sad, guides me all the time, exhorts me when I am wrong, makes me feel loved, teaches me new things, believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself, teaches me to value certain things, in short, he makes me very happy.

I owe all of my happiness to Him. I owe Him the pleasure of waking up in a happy embrace with my “second” husband, whom I love more and more even after 12 years of marriage.

I married Him first and I NEVER plan to divorce Him! When I was single I had no clue what true love was until I met Him.

The day He asked me to marry Him was the most marvelous day of my life!

We got married and shortly thereafter, without ever separating from each other, I married Junior as well!

Don’t worry if it seems like bigamy- it isn’t!!! I have two legal husbands! lol

In fact, I’ll go even further, if my first marriage doesn’t exist, then surely the second one will not be happy…. The first one is the basis for the second one.

There are some single women that desperately seek the “second” marriage without having found the first one!!!

Let me tell you more, He needs to be first in your life for real. He must be first in everything, we need to love Him more than everything and everyone, if not, it won’t work out.

Perhaps you are only dating the Lord Jesus while contemplating marrying someone else! What betrayal! This can’t be so; it’s not the correct order.

If you want your “second” marriage to fulfill you completely, the “first” marriage has to come first.

This being said, I will now unveil the next task for the single ladies…

Task #3

"Seek the “First” love of your life! Check to see who is in first place and it will make it easy to discover whether you’ve already found Him of not. Enough with the dating! Marry Him! Make this love become fervent, don’t be in such a rush to enter your second marriage; instead, dedicate yourself entirely to the First one."

Love Him, delight yourself in His embrace, in His presence, in His care, oh what delight! Love Him with all of your strength, with all of your love…

How about the second one?

It will happen when you least expect it, but your devotion to your First marriage must exist forever… not even death will separate you from Him! How wonderful!

Ps: I was going through all of these thoughts when this inspiration came to me so I jumped out of bed and wrote it all down…

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