Saturday, 19 December 2009

Love Dare - Day 19 - Don't Involve Your Family

He said things he really shouldn’t have but at that moment he was so enraged that he didn’t stop to think twice and out came all those darts inflamed with anger and poison. He knew they would hurt but he couldn’t help it… he regretted his words as soon he spoke them, now he needs to cool down.

Everything was just fine when suddenly…


The bomb exploded!

Things that weren’t true, things he didn’t really feel- before he knew it, they had already been said.

Hurt and offended, she decides to give him the silent treatment.

She leaves him alone in the living room, heads for the bedroom and decides that she needs to tell someone all of the horrible things he said. She looks at the phone and doesn’t think twice…

“Mom, I need to talk to you…”

She tells her mother everything, her version of course, and even adds a bit more drama to the story so as to help her mother understand her side and prove how evil her husband can be.

Her mom gets upset and begins to feel hatred towards her son-in-law… “How dare he treat my daughter like that? She deserves someone better! Shameless, horrible, wicked man! Leave it to me…” (Take note that a seed was planted in her heart)

After she unburdens herself with her mom she decides to get a glass of water. While walking past the living room, her husband calls for her. He admits that he was wrong, asks for her forgiveness and they reconcile.

Do you think that calling her mom and explaining what happened will be enough to erase the negative image that this mother-in-law has towards her son-in-law? That’s assuming that she even remembers to call and explain everything to her mom!

Many women make this mistake and later claim not to understand the tension that exists between their family and husband. Another consequence of this is that now her family will feel that they have a right to intrude in her marriage, potentially causing even greater problems!

Therefore, at this stage of our Dare…

Dare- Task 19

“Starting today you will not disclose the issues that you and your husband have to anyone in your family.

If you need to talk to someone, talk to a helper in the church, a pastor’s wife or even a married pastor- they will be able to advise you in an appropriate manner.

By doing this your husband’s image will not be damaged before your family and he will always be welcomed by them. In addition, you will avoid giving your family the opportunity to intrude in your marriage.

My friends please don’t take this as a rule! There are exceptions of course!

If your mother is mature and of God then she will be able to counsel you correctly without interfering too much or feeling resentful towards your husband.

Also, I am referring to ordinary “small problems” that may arise in the daily life of any couple. If your husband is violent, if arguments escalate into physical and verbal abuse then of course this does not apply!

In this case you not only need all the familial support you can get but you must seek help from the police!


  1. I agree Mrs. Nanda, I never looked at it like "a seed being sowed."
    I certainly dont want to plant any anger or hate in anyone of my family's heart's and I dont want any family issue's like the example's given above.
    I will admit I used to do this so much in the past, And I sometime's still do it. Not as much but I still do it.
    I will work on this very much.

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  4. It's so true, I've never called my mom or anyone in my family about any problem or misunderstanding in my mariage cause i believe that if i have problems with my husband either i speak to him about it, if he don't want to change I speak to God, for sure there is no problem God cannot solve.

    Charlene (Namibia)

  5. This is true that most of woman do is to involve mom, sister, friend in their marriage and this is wrong, that way many marriage are destroy today because there is no secret between couples any more.


  6. If i have any problem in my marriage the first person to speak with is my God because he is the only one who can help me than anybody else,i dont involve any of my family member.


  7. Someone once told me that if u want your marriage to be bless,never allow a third person in your marriage.So if i have a problem with him i always speak with him when he is calm and solve it and if i can not i pray and God always answer me.



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