For the Single Ladies - Your # 1 Enemy!

Task #9 for the Single Ladies

“So, aren’t you going to find a boyfriend?”

“How about you, when will you get married?”

“Hehehe, you’re turning into an old maid!”

Look at how much pressure!

Just the other day I caught myself saying one of these phrases to my youngest sister-in-law, what lack of sensitivity on my part!

It escaped! Just after saying it, I felt angry at myself… “I expected more from you Fernanda!” I thought.

Really, it mustn’t be easy to support hearing comments like that.

Relatives and friends have no idea how something apparently so innocent, like the comments above, can lead a person to a state of great anxiety. They can even lead her to take decisions that she will regret for the rest of her life.

When you act based on this anxiety, you are acting by emotions and the results will certainly not be good.

I have a friend that knows this very well…

She was almost 30 when her family began to pressure her. They began to ask those little questions and many times they took it to the next level…

“Your biological clock is ticking! You are not getting any younger!”

“Do you want to be a granny-mom?”

So, anxiety struck…She began to worry about her love life. She forgot all about her spiritual side, she stopped trusting God and decided she had to solve her problem; after all God didn’t seem to be listening to her.

She began to date a guy and in less than six months they were married. In a year’s time, she was already having her first child.

Wow! You might think. How great, she solved her problem!

Nonesense!

While pregnant with her child, she discovered that her husband was betraying her with her best friend.

When she confronted him about it, he decided to leave her!

Ok, I don’t even need to reveal the rest of her unhappiness for you to realize the big mistake she made!

My friends, I know it isn’t easy to overcome the anxiety, but it’s possible!

Don’t be taken away by comments or thought that the devil may bring, for he works in your mind with this feeling called anxiety.

Of course you have to do your part, but you must also trust God!

Seeking and waiting for the right person is worth it, I can prove it.

Know one thing: anxiety is your number 1 enemy at the moment!!!

How do you overcome it?

Here it goes…

Task #9

“First things first, if you want to be blessed in your love life, you must do your part! Here goes a list of things that you need to do…

• 1. Start a purpose with God and participate in the Therapy of Love on Saturdays in the Universal Church.
• 2. Don’t be silly, show up presentable and with your best face. Don’t forget about the mints in your purse. Always!
• 3. Be alert because there are others there with the same intention as you, so look around.
• 4. If you don’t see anyone interesting, don’t give up, remain firm.
• 5. If you do find someone, don’t rush. Make it a point to get to know his character.
• 6. Avoid being idle, for it is at that moment that the devil will attack with thoughts. Occupy your time! Get involved in a church group; get busy with the work of God. Evangelizing and visiting hospitals are great examples.
• 7. If possible, have friends and go to the cinema, eat out, go shopping and things of this sort.
• 8. Take a course! That’s right! In your struggle against anxiety and idleness everything goes! If the problem is money, search for something online and make an effort to learn! I have two cousins that speak fluent English; do you know how they learned? On their own! At the time they didn’t even have internet, imagine if they did!!!
• 9. And the last tip, it should have been the first one because it is most important! HAVE GOD ALWAYS IN FIRST PLACE IN YOUR LIFE.

“"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33

I believe in this word, how about you?!

For the Single Ladies - Baggage

Task #8 for the Single Ladies

If there is one annoying thing to do when traveling, it’s preparing our luggage.

We must think of everything up till the last detail and not forget anything. Not to mention the hassle of having to drag your luggage up and down the airport all the way to the check-in counter and upon arriving to the destination, having to do it all over again.

Did you know that there’s such a thing as a sentimental baggage?

When a relationship ends, we also pack our bags.

It’s a different kind of luggage, we don’t place clothing inside; instead we pack our feelings….

If he hurt you, you pack it in your baggage, if he betrayed you, it goes in the baggage and if he didn’t show you consideration, you place it in the baggage….

You leave that relationship and carry your luggage up and down until you start a new one, which is when you take the luggage and open it up!

You take out all of the feelings that were packed up in the luggage and introduce them to your new relationship… If your ex hurt you, betrayed you, showed lack of consideration you assume that your new partner will do the same. You believe he will demonstrate the same sort of behavior and do you know what will happen?

You will begin to take actions that will lead your new partner to behave in the exact same manner you were afraid of.

Remember when Job said “For the thing which I fear cometh upon me, and that which I am afraid of cometh unto me”? That’s right!

You are tired of knowing that if a person disappointed you, it doesn’t mean that another will do the same (that’s why it’s so important to get to know the person’s character), yet these feelings infiltrate themselves within you in such a manner that you only realize they are there through your own actions.

Task #8

“Analyze your actions and check if you are carrying around this baggage. Make use of your faith to free you from these feelings of insecurity that can be so destructive. A good exercise would be to take actions that contradict what you would normally do, go against these insecurities.”

For the Single Ladies - Gorgeous!

Task #7 for the Single Ladies

When I was little I had this photo of me as a baby with very short hair. All you could see were my eyes and head, nonetheless, my parent’s adored (of course!) this photo and decided to frame it and place it in the living room.

For my own anguish, all those that came to visit would say “Wow, what huge eyes! They look like two big grapes!”

You see, no one said “oh, how pretty!” of course not! No, they all had to mention the blessed big grapes! I resent that fruit till this day! lol

Well, those comments would get to me…. As I became a young woman, I continued to feel very uncomfortable with my big eyes and head! Not to mention my feet!

I hated carrots but would eat them like crazy, since my mother had said that eating lots of carrots would make your eyes turn green. I wish! I ate so many carrots that my eyes should’ve turned blue!!!

To complete the package, I started getting lice (how nasty!). They loved sucking my blood! My mom and grandmother tried everything. They’d get rid of the lice but I’d come home from school the next day with my head infested again!

At the time my hair was very long and I loved it! Not knowing what else to do, my mom took me to the beauty salon and gave me the final blow!!! Without me even knowing, she requested they give me the boy cut!!!

I was devastated for some time, I felt ugly… I looked like a boy!

While at the supermarket one day, a lady said “Hey boy, excuse me please!” I looked at her with so much hatred and yelled “I’m a girlllll!!!”

I don’t remember how we came across the subject, but I remember that one day a very dear aunt said “Nanda, have you looked at yourself in the mirror and realized how gorgeous you are?” “Yes, your eyes are big but they are beautiful, they’re expressive, your nose is perfect and you have a beautiful mouth!”

Folks, I must have been 12 or 13, but I never forgot those words! She made me see things differently…Of course, I still had insecurities but I began to feel more confident and even found myself pretty. I even began to change certain behavior. I don’t think she knows what good her words did to me!

Our self-esteem is very fragile! A single comment can either raise it up high or bring it down!

If you have high self-esteem, the possibilities of being successful are far greater than if your self-esteem is low.

A woman with high self esteem is sure of herself and her actions prove it. She knows her value, she knows what she can achieve, she believes in herself!

Enough with the inferiority complex! Work on your self-esteem, it needs to be high all the time!

We women are easily influenced with regards to our appearance, we are so sensitive right? That is a weak point that we need to strengthen!

Whenever I mention to my husband that Gisele Bundchen and Victoria Beckham are beautiful, he tells me he finds them horrific! At first, I didn’t understand- I even thought he was just trying to please me, but in fact their beauty isn’t enchanting in his eyes.

Perhaps, many may considered you to be the most beautiful or the ugliest of all women but there will always be someone who finds you gorgeous and someone that finds you horrific! The great difference will be in what you see yourself as!!!

You want another example? Have you ever seen beautiful women dating and marrying ugly men?

Have you seen Jennifer Lopez’s husband? That’s right, I’m sure that in her eyes he is quite handsome!!!

Have you ever met someone that you thought was beautiful, but after getting to know that person, you found them to be ugly? Or someone you considered ugly but later found them beautiful?

Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and your personality and attitude can transform you into a beautiful or ugly person!

Task #7

“Starting today your will work on raising your self-esteem. Look at yourself in the mirror and value your best features. Erase all negative comments you’ve heard and concentrate on the positive ones. The desired outcome is for you to feel confident and sure of yourself.

At the same time, you will do this for another person…create the habit of sincerely complementing others (your friends, mother.) It doesn’t cost a thing but it can change that person’s perspective.

You know the times you find something lovely in a person but you don’t say anything? Well, stop saving it!

Also, it’s important to be sincere when offering someone a compliment. Don’t be false because the other person will perceive it and it won’t be nice for you! If you can’t find anything positive to compliment, then don’t say anything.

If, on the other hand, you have the habit of pointing out defects, especially when it comes to other’s appearance, avoid doing so; unless, you do it very carefully and only with the intention of helping that person.

Remember that your comments can help to destroy that person’s self esteem…”

For the Single Ladies - Self Confidence

Task #6 for the Single Ladies

So you are dating and your whole life revolves around your relationship.

You don’t call your friends or even try to fit them in your schedule because your world has reduced itself to this relationship.

You practically stop living your life, you stop evolving because everything is about him.

You’re only dating but you give yourself in such a way that you become needy, insecure and many times you cling to him.

You call him all the time, you want to know where he was and who he was with, who he looked at, in short you want to control his life in all ways…

This attitude in many women will surely lead to a failed relationship…

And worse still, when the relationship does indeed end you are left feeling alone, lost and with your self-esteem shattered.

Dear single friends, entering a relationship is very serious but that doesn’t imply that your life has to stop or revolve entirely around that person.

I don’t know of any man that admires an insecure and clingy woman. Actions like the ones mentioned above demonstrate just that.

Task #6

“The best way to change this scenario is to get busy! Your life must go on, don’t annul yourself. Keep caring for your friends and family. Find time to dedicate yourself to Godly things. Try joining the evangelization group or other church groups, participate…”

This will help your relationship with God, your boyfriend and even your self-esteem!

And if you are not in a relationship at the moment, you will know how to proceed when the time come.

For the Single Ladies - Self Love

Task # 5 for the Single Ladies

I was 15 years old when I begged my father to let me start dating. He insisted on telling me that he would allow it only after I was 20…

So one day, the guy I had a crush on came and asked my father for permission.

To my great surprise my dad approved!

A year or so later I was completely passionate about him, when I discovered that he had been cheating on me left and right. He even cheated on me in front of my friends who never said anything to me out of pity.

He broke my heart.

It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. You feel worthless, like nothing, garbage!

While angry, I didn’t think twice, I picked up the phone and ended the relationship there and than, but shortly thereafter a mound of thoughts came into my head...

“But I love him so much…,” “What if I give him another chance?” “How will I live without him???” “I lost him…” Waaahhh….

At the same time, however, something much stronger inside of me made me overcome all of those feelings…

Something called self love!

He asked me to get back together with him many times, but I stood by my decision and the more my friends and family said that I wouldn’t resist, the more resolute I became.

We never got back together!

My friend, how can you say you have Jesus and not have self love?!

Women and girls today don’t give themselves the value that they deserve which is why they are frustrated, unloved and unhappy.

Please don’t confuse this with pride, it’s not that at all, but we need to love ourselves!

If he betrayed you, broke up with you, didn’t value you, it’s his loss!

Trust yourself and your potential, don’t view yourself as worthless!!! No way!

Overcome all bad thoughts and doubts brought by the devil and look straight ahead!

I’m not saying it won’t hurt but it will certainly pass and you will later see what you were saved from.

We need to love ourselves like our Lord loves us and value ourselves the way He does!

How can you accept leftovers in a relationship while your Lord has a whole banquet set up for you?

It doesn’t make sense!

I write this message especially for a friend that wrote to me today asking for advice over a boyfriend that broke up with her. ..

So he treats you like trash and you would still like it if he asked you to give it another try?!

I have two words for the ladies that are in this same situation…

Self Love!

Task #5

“You need to value, love and believe in your own potential and above all believe in your God!

If you believe that God is with you, how can you view yourself like a looser?

That’s not possible!

It’s not enough to say that you love God; you must love yourself as well!

Starting today you will stop saying negative comments about yourself!

From today on, you will never repeat phrases like….

Oh, how I’m dumb!

I can’t do anything right!

I’m never going to get it!

Or any other phrase along these lines.

Remember…. “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.”

For the Single Ladies - Emotions...

Task # 4 for the Single Ladies

When you hear the words “man of God,” what’s the first image that comes to your mind?

Dress Shirt, tie, microphone in hand and preaching on the altar?

Not necessarily…

A man of God is not characterized by his clothing or because he is on the altar.

After my conversion I remember being very clear about what I wanted… To marry a man of God.

When I decided to give Junior an ultimatum (he was my boyfriend at the time) it was because that vision already existed inside of me. I didn’t let my emotions get in the way, for I knew what I wanted and I fought for it.

Gradually he began to change; it was wonderful to see his transformation right before my eyes. It was as if God was molding him for me…But I waited, I observed his actions, his character, his faith and it was only a year after his conversion that we decided to marry.

He wasn’t a pastor at the time, but he was already a man of God, fearful of the Lord and a man of character. I made sure to verify this and I still see it to this day.

You see my friends, I wanted to bring this subject up because I’ve received loads of e-mails from young ladies that claim to be in love with a pastor without having even spoken to them!

All they’ve done is observe them from afar.

How can you let yourself be taken away by your emotions like that?! How can you say that you love someone you don’t even know?!

The fact that they’re assistants or even pastors, doesn’t guarantee that they are truly of God! Many women have fallen in that trap, don’t become another statistic!!

You have to get to know his character, pay attention to the words he speaks and what interests him! You need to be certain that he is really fearful and loyal to God! You must be certain that he is indeed a man of God!

There’s more, if he has vision he will undoubtedly do the same with you!

I see such great haste to “solve” the love life issue and many women don’t even think about taking these steps. They are ready to hand over their lives and futures to someone they don’t even know…

Task #4

“From now on you must keep your emotions regarding your sentimental life, in check. Don’t let yourself be carried away over a simple glance...

If you’re already dating, you will begin to observe your partner until you’re certain that he is a man of God and emotions are not allowed! If you have to take action and end the relationship because you don’t see God’s character in him, don’t think twice and don’t be afraid. If you choose to fight for him, do it in faith, knowing that he has his flaws.

If you’re not dating, be aware of the steps you will need to take when the time comes.

Once again I repeat, don’t allow yourselves to be carried away by your emotions…”

For the Single Ladies - The First Husband

Task #3 for the single ladies!

When I woke up this morning, I realized that I was snuggly hugging my husband-oh, how delightful!

This is one of the things I love most in my marriage… It makes me feel secure, loved and certain that I’m in the right place.

Then I began to think about the single women that don’t have the pleasure of waking up with the love of their life by their side…

I continued to indulge in these thoughts before gaining enough strength to let go of the embrace and began to think about the married women that despite of having a marriage, do not share the same pleasure…

I looked at my husband and said… “How I love you Jesus.” I was going to say “I love you my love,” but at that very moment it occurred to me to first say it to Jesus, for He is the most solid love in my life. This husband is always in first place, therefore, there is nothing more fitting…

This marvelous husband raises me up when I’m sad, guides me all the time, exhorts me when I am wrong, makes me feel loved, teaches me new things, believes in me even when I don’t believe in myself, teaches me to value certain things, in short, he makes me very happy.

I owe all of my happiness to Him. I owe Him the pleasure of waking up in a happy embrace with my “second” husband, whom I love more and more even after 12 years of marriage.

I married Him first and I NEVER plan to divorce Him! When I was single I had no clue what true love was until I met Him.

The day He asked me to marry Him was the most marvelous day of my life!

We got married and shortly thereafter, without ever separating from each other, I married Junior as well!

Don’t worry if it seems like bigamy- it isn’t!!! I have two legal husbands! lol

In fact, I’ll go even further, if my first marriage doesn’t exist, then surely the second one will not be happy…. The first one is the basis for the second one.

There are some single women that desperately seek the “second” marriage without having found the first one!!!

Let me tell you more, He needs to be first in your life for real. He must be first in everything, we need to love Him more than everything and everyone, if not, it won’t work out.

Perhaps you are only dating the Lord Jesus while contemplating marrying someone else! What betrayal! This can’t be so; it’s not the correct order.

If you want your “second” marriage to fulfill you completely, the “first” marriage has to come first.

This being said, I will now unveil the next task for the single ladies…

Task #3

"Seek the “First” love of your life! Check to see who is in first place and it will make it easy to discover whether you’ve already found Him of not. Enough with the dating! Marry Him! Make this love become fervent, don’t be in such a rush to enter your second marriage; instead, dedicate yourself entirely to the First one."

Love Him, delight yourself in His embrace, in His presence, in His care, oh what delight! Love Him with all of your strength, with all of your love…

How about the second one?

It will happen when you least expect it, but your devotion to your First marriage must exist forever… not even death will separate you from Him! How wonderful!

Ps: I was going through all of these thoughts when this inspiration came to me so I jumped out of bed and wrote it all down…

For the Single Ladies - Something Difficult

Here goes the second task for the single ladies!

Friends, do you know what’s the hardest thing to accept in the world?

The truth.

Not everyone is ready to hear the truth; you must first have the emotional structure, spirituality and humility to hear certain truths.

Whoever said that the truth hurts was right…In fact, the truth can hurt a lot! But that’s not to say that it’s bad, it’s actually quite the contrary.

You know when someone tells you something that hurts, it almost seems as though they are cutting right through you, but deep inside you know that the person is absolutely right?

Has that every happened to you?

Do you remember how you reacted?

How did you react?

Your reaction is what counts; it’s what matters.

Did you feel hurt? Offended? Worst yet, did you hold a grudge against that person?

If we aren’t humble enough to accept the truth, how do we intend to grow up? How can we think about marriage, for I am certain that your husband won’t hesitate to tell you a few truths- and then what? Will you hold a grudge against him too?

Look, I’m not saying that the truth isn’t going to hurt or that we won’t be saddened by it but that sadness has to be directed towards ourselves and it can’t be prolonged!

My husband once told me “You are too proud!” That was the end of the rope for me!

Thoughts began to bombard my mind…

First I felt angry, what nonsense! “Me, proud?!!!”

Then I felt mortified that he would think that of me: “What a monster he is!” I thought.

Lastly, I kneeled down and began to cry until my throat hurt… he was right! Oh how hard it was to admit and face the truth! I felt worthless and humiliated but oh how good it did me.

Task #2

“Analyze yourself. Check to see if you are facing the “truths” in your life/relationships correctly. Stop fooling yourself! If facing the truth means going back to the end of the line, then so be it! Restart in your faith. Correct your mistakes; after all, no one is perfect! It is horrible to have to pay such a high price for something that could have been avoided had you just accepted the truth…"

For the Single Ladies - Skunk Love

As the "Love Dare" was a great success, I've decided to write a new "Dare for the Single Ladies", hope it will help you all... Here we start!

Do you know Pepe Le Pew, the animated skunk that is madly in love with a cute black cat with white stripes like his?

Every time he sees her, his eyes become bulging little hearts. He’s a bit confused by her because she always flees from him (due to his stench); nonetheless, he is still madly in love with her…

This is an impossible love, after all, she’s a cat and he’s a skunk! It will never work!

They are incompatible, and even though they look alike, they aren’t!

There’s no way around it!

The same thing happened to her… one look was enough for her to fall in love…

She doesn’t even know him, but she says she’s in love…. She loves him…

There it is, the skunk love! A love based on emotions that will only result in disappointments.

They are full of incompatibilities, but like the skunk Pepe, she just doesn’t want to see…

She believes that after marriage and with enough love she will overcome everything!

Don’t fool yourself my friend, marriage will only make things worst!

So many young women have written to me, regretful for having lived a skunk love and now live (excuse the expression) a stinky life in their marriage!

There can be many differences, but I will only mention three very important ones…

1. He is much younger than you. I know that this is a controversial subject and many may disagree, I also know that it isn’t a rule and that there are some marriages that have worked, but take into account that they are exceptions. The majority of them are problematic, the choice is yours… I am just giving you some advice.
2. You studied more than he did, yet another controversial topic, but when it comes to marriage this can be very difficult, especially for men.
3. You have different plans for the future. One wants to have children but the other doesn’t, this is a good example. One desires to serve God on the altar and the other doesn’t, another good example.

Task #1

“If you have a boyfriend and are contemplating marriage, pay lots of attention to the incompatibilities because in the future they can bring you problems. If you aren’t dating at the moment, keep this in mind when entering a relationship. Avoid skunk love, use you intelligent faith!"

It is better to suffer now over a breakup, than to suffer later over a divorce.

The Altar or The Court

“I want to serve on the Altar.”

Many of the e-mails I receive contain this statement.

Now, let’s break down this phrase and see what is wrong with it, okay?

Let’s suppose you have someone working for you at home... Who decides what chores this person will do? You or her?

You employed this person to serve you, right?

So, you tell her what tasks to do each day of the week, where to clean and where the clothing that needs ironing is. If the person has to cook, you tell her what to cook.

Now let’s imagine that you are the employee.

You show up at work one day and tell your boss “Look here missy, I don’t feel like ironing today. I’m going to sit on the couch and watch some TV!”

Folks, I believe that “missy’s” expression will be of pure disbelief because she will surely not expect this sort of response! But one thing is for sure, she won’t find your behaviour acceptable and you will likely be fired…

My point is…. If you want to serve, especially God, don’t choose where you will serve. You just have to be ready to serve God wherever He wants at all times.

The work of God is not like any old profession where you can choose your tasks, it’s a calling.

The other day a young girl wrote to me “I stopped studying because I want to serve on the altar. I am waiting to be called!”

I wrote back that I found her action to be quite wrong. Think with me…

Imagine that she is never called? She stopped studying! She is “stuck” in a moment and is just waiting…how long will she be waiting???

I can just picture her a few years from now, frustrated, discouraged and turning against God and the church!

And there’s more!!!

So, let me get this straight. If you want to conquer something in this world, you study but if you decide to serve God then you don’t need to do anything, there’s no need to grow intellectually?!!!

I’m not saying that having an education is a requirement in order to do the work of God. We have many men and women of God that have no education and yet, are used greatly by Him. But, if it were up to them, they would have certainly studied.

The work of God is marvelous and very versatile!

Since I started doing the work of God I’ve done a bit of everything…

I’ve cleaned bathrooms, cleaned churches, taught English, I presented a TV show, a radio show, I’ve counseled, I’ve worked and continue to work in the church offices taking care of the finances and other things, we visit hospitals, nursing homes, orphanages, I help my husband by correcting the newspaper and flyers that we prepare and I write this blog!

Wow! I’ll stop here, but there is still more!!!

And you still think that you don’t need to do anything to better yourself? Would it not be helpful if you worked on enhancing your mind?!

While you wait to be called, invest in yourself so that when you come to the altar (if you indeed do come) your talents can be used and multiplied! You will be able to help much more!

Yes, it’s true that you can learn things as you go along, but wouldn’t it be easier, and faster, if you already knew how to do them?

Open you mind my friends; the work of God isn’t small or easy!

You can have the “desire” to do the work of God on the altar in your heart but the power to make this reality pertains to the Lord. He chooses, He calls!

Lead a life that will glorify His name and when He calls, you will have something to sacrifice…

Your desire must be to serve Him, wherever your Lord chooses.

Altar or court, the choice is His and not yours.

The Woman of God

The other day I received a lovely e-mail that spoke about Women of God.

It was indeed a lovely message, focusing on what a woman of God is and does. It mentioned so many things, and I must confess it took me a while to let it all sink in.

Women of God can also make mistakes, they are sometimes wrong and they have their flaws!

You become a Woman of God the very moment that you decide to leave behind your wrongful life and begin a new one with Jesus, obeying His will above yours and sacrificing you own ego.

Sometimes I receive emails and comments from women saying “Oh, how I wish I could be a woman of God like you…”

My dear friends, sometimes I ask myself “If these women really got to know me, with all my flaws and imperfections, would they still say that?”

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I’m not a woman of God, I’m just saying that this “tag” is unfair to you because by thinking like this 2 things happen:

• - You end up thinking that it is impossible to become a woman of God and that you will never be good enough. This is wrong, very wrong!
• - Without even noticing, you begin to think that women of God are perfect and if by chance a woman that you consider Godly makes a mistake, you quickly judge her and conclude that she isn’t a woman of God after all. This is unfair, very unfair!

I’m going to tell you something… I, like you, struggle loads with my flaws, defects and mistakes but it is my faith that makes all the difference!

My faith is what makes me keep looking forward even after I make a mistake, it gives me strength to go on and it makes me believe that I can change myself and the situation!

I have daily battles; sometimes it’s my flesh that wants to get the best of me, my “hot temper” that many times ends up embarrassing me, it’s my brutal honesty that at times can be mistaken for cheekiness, forcing me to have to go back to the end of the line… it’s my struggle!

Please stop placing the women you admire in such high pedestals that you can’t even reach! The Lord Jesus is the only one that should be in that position!

You look at her and think “Oh how I wish I could be like her!”

It doesn’t matter who she is, she is not perfect! This sort of judgment on her is way too rigorous!

Our flaws and imperfections don’t prevent us from being women of God!

Love Dare - Day 40 - This is Only the Beginning...

I couldn’t find time to write messages on a weekly basis and I didn’t have any contact e-mail with my readers, nonetheless, they found a way to write to me…

It was on Facebook, on Comunidade Universal and some even managed to find my personal e-mail and messages requesting help, especially for marriage and love life issues, came pouring in…

I had just finished reading an e-mail; it was from a young girl in distress over her miserable marriage and she didn’t know what else to do. She was in a very difficult situation and so I prayed to God for guidance in order to answer her.

We had begun, here in Namibia, a 40 day purpose in preparation for the “Day of Decision” and I was analyzing my life, how I could give more of myself, how I could save more souls and be more useful in the work of God…. And my decision? After all, we aren’t here just to preach to others, we must live by what we preach.

Well then, we began the purpose, fast and prayer, but I felt that it wasn’t enough. That’s when, while reading the e-mail mentioned above, I looked to the side of my desk and there it was- a book titled “Love Dare” that I had purchased the day before…

The book is about a Dare that lasts 40 days. On each day there is a task that must be completed in order to change your marriage.

I thought: “Perfect, that’s it! I am going to announce on my blog a 40 day purpose based on this book! This will be easy; I’ll pass on everything in the book to the readers…” Just one thing, I hadn’t even finished reading the whole book myself! Lol

My friends, I think that by the 8^th day, if I’m not mistaken, I got tired of the book because I found the tasks to be vague and I wanted them to be precise, clear and more practical. That’s when I decided not to follow the book anymore.

I would wake up every day already praying and asking God for guidance. Many times I would spend the entire day without knowing what I was going to write, then I would sit down at my desk in front of the computer and suddenly everything seemed to come to me as if someone was telling me what to write!

There were many instances in which I would receive messages complementing an article and stating that everything I wrote had helped loads and inside I would say…” It wasn’t me!!!”

Well now I would like to make a clarification! It wasn’t me, really it wasn’t!

I remember that there was not a single day in which I would not pray asking God to show me what the people taking part in the Dare needed to hear.

Today, exactly 40 days later, I tell you that I would have never been able to get here if not for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. And I’ll tell you more, I don’t think I would have ever started this Dare if I thought that I would do it all on my own.

If I was receiving lots of e-mails before, now I receive an average of 100 e-mails per week, which I respond to, within my capability, one by one. Many of them are from wives and young ladies asking for help, others are to give thanks for the purpose that has transformed their marriage.

Some of the messages made me cry out of joy, others of sadness because many women live in a true hell on earth, but a change is possible and it will happen, I believe it!

I can’t believe that today is the last day of our purpose! But it’s not over yet my friends, this is only the beginning…

Dare- Task #40

“Starting from today, you will go back to Day 1 of our purpose and start all over again! Who said it was over, today is only the beginning…”

Since today is the last day, I mean, the start of a new beginning, I would like all of you that participated and are still participating to post a comment, not compliments as I have already explained who deserves all praise and thanks; instead, post your testimonies so that you may encourage those women that doubt this sacrifice is worth it.

Perhaps you visit this blog to read the messages, today I ask you to leave a comment…

A big kiss to you all and stay tuned to this blog because I will begin a purpose with the single ladies shortly…

Lastly…

I would like to thank some special people in my life that served as true fountains of inspiration…

My Lord, for each day He guided me and showed me what to write! Oh, how I love you!

My husband, who is my friend, my love and many times served as a guinea pig during this purpose! lol. God’s gift to me!

My dear friend, Cris Cardoso, she is the person that God used to motivate me to keep going. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have started this blog! And task after task, she would write to encourage me… Although we are so far, it feels as though we are near!

My dear mother-in-law that showed me the way to eternal life and even without noticing it, she has taught and continues to teach me so many things!

All of the readers that made sure to leave comments and many times inspired me with their words…

A big thank you and may God bless you greatly!!!

Love Dare - Day 39 - Language

If there’s one thing we women know how to do it’s to deduce, to imagine, to exaggerate and hope that our husband’s know what we are thinking without us having to say a single word!

Because of this many times we can become real drama queens…

How many times do we “deduce” that our husbands know why we are annoyed and we even get angry when they “appear” not to understand?

And how about when you tell him: “You NEVER understand!”

Clearly, when you used the word “never”, you were only exaggerating a little in order to emphasize your frustration, but for men that “never” is taken literally.

Not to mention the times that you try to demonstrate your frustration through body language, by sighing, looking at him in a certain way, frowning and things of that sort…

Many of these signs can be easily comprehended by another woman, but for many men these signs are true mysteries and they really can’t decipher them!

I received an e-mail from a friend the other day. If was written by a man for men and its titled “Expressions used by women and their meaning.”

• “Good!” – This is the word that women use in order to end an argument when they find that they are right and you need to be quiet.
• “Nothing”- This is the calm before the storm. It means that SOMETHING is happening and you need to beware. Arguments that end in NOTHING usually end with GOOD.
• “You should know” – It’s a challenge, not at all dismissive. She is defying you and it’s at this time that you have to know what she wants… and NEVER say that you don’t know!
• “Loud sigh” – It’s not a word, it’s a non verbal statement that frequently confuses men. A loud sigh means that you have to beware because she is losing her patience and is thinking about the reason why she is there wasting time arguing about NOTHING with you.
• “Oh yeah? Fine!” – This is one of the most dangerous expressions a woman can say. It means that she is going to think long and hard before deciding how and when she is going to make you pay for what you’ve done to displease her.

If she asks you “Honey, do you think I’m fat?”

See the answers and consequences:

• “Just a little honey!” Consequence: Whoah, I can’t belive you just said that!
• “Of course not, I love you like that!” Consequence: You liar! You think that I’m fat and you’re just saying that to please me!

In other words, when she asks you that… It’s over- you’re dead meat! Unfortunately an argument is about to begin and you will certainly fall victim to the expressions mentioned above!!!

Folks, when I finished reading this, I began to laugh but at the same time I thought to myself… it’s true!

We are just like that, we say one thing when we mean something else! And we still expect them to undertand!

Dare- Task 39

“If you want to avoid problems in your marriage, be clear, express yourself and communicate with your husband in a way that he will understand.

Avoid thinking that he HAS to know the reason why you’re annoyed, even if you “demonstrated the reason” because you didn’t “say” the reason.

Love Dare - Day 38 - 8 or 80

When many of us convert we go through a bit of a difficult phase as we try to find a balance…

Knowing how to be neither 8 nor 80 can be difficult at times.

I see this especially in many marriages; women begin to think that everything is a sin- that sex is something dirty and immoral and everything that happens is the devil’s fault.

They see defects in everything and they want to be overly godly.

Without even noticing they become fanatics and instead of leading a life that pleases God, they do the exact opposite as they are indeed embarrassing Jesus’ name.

The worst part is that if your husband isn’t converted, he might never be and if he is then surely your marriage will begin to sour.

Let me give you a few examples….

Your husband likes for you to dress nicely and always look pretty but now that you are converted, you think that you can only wear skirts that reach the floor and extra large clothing.

Make-up? Don’t even think about it, it’s the devil’s!

Red nail polish on your nails, no way! Never!

That transparent camisole your husband likes, never again!

Of course, you are not going to dress in miniskirts and transparent clothing- that would be 8!

Perhaps you are not within these extremes, but if you find it hard to reach a balance, you must make use of your intelligent faith.

Dare- Task 38

“Check to see if you are living in equilibrium, if you have managed to find a balance in your life. Don’t be 8 or 80!”

Love Dare - Day 37 - Friendships

Today we are going to talk about friends.

How wonderful it is to have friends, but it is important to know that everything has a limit.

Nowadays we see many wives losing their husbands to their best friends. Just thinking about it makes me angry!

How is that possible? How can something like that happen?

I’ll tell you how something like that happen.

When no limits are established and of course the lack of character and other things that I won’t even get into…

But the root, where did everything start?

She was your best friend and so she was always visiting came to visit. She also became your husband’s “friend” (you didn’t think anything was wrong with that at all), she feels completely comfortable and goes in and out of your house as she pleases.

You see, there are no limits! This should never happen!

The devil is astute and those that are not in the faith allow themselves to be carried away by their emotions.

One day your husband is alone at home and she arrives. They talk while you’re not home and she begins to feel attracted by him. She doesn’t want to feel that way, but she thinks she’s falling in love…That’s it! Perfect grounds for the devil to throw a party!

Now let’s look at the other side, when it’s you that has male friends.

It will never work my friends! I’m telling you this for your own good and for the good of your marriage.

Just to give you an idea, when I met my husband we still hadn’t met the Lord Jesus and I was suffering a lot.

I had just ended a relationship and I was “sure” that I had lost the man of my dreams (oh, if only I knew what would come in the future I wouldn’t have cried and suffered so much…lol). Therefore, I didn’t want to have anymore “serious” relationships for a while and decided to tell Junior that we would just be friends.

Folks, I totally believed that story of “just friends” and surely enough, he became my best friend! Not only that, I even fixed him up on dates with other friends of mine!!!

I get mad at myself just thinking about it!!!

But that’s not the point I wanted to make. Like with any male-female friendship, we begin to feel an attraction for the other person, it generally works that way.

Married women don’t need male friends; their husbands should be that friend. You should avoid male friendships at all cost.

Perhaps you feel confident about your feelings toward your husband and think that there is no danger, but remember, the devil only needs a little opening in order to come in and destroy.

You know at work, that super cool guy that’s always looking for conversation? He says that he only wants to be your friend?

Keep your distance!

Your husband won’t like to know of friendships with men and that will only bring forth fights!

“Look Nanda, in my case it’s not a big deal. We are childhood friends! It’s my husband that keeps imagining things that don’t exist!”

Well, the decision is always yours!

You decide your life, this is only some advice to bless your marriage, if you accept it or not…

Dare- Task 37

“See if you have placed limits in your friendships. If you realize that things aren’t the way they should be, begin to make the necessary changes immediately.”

Look these limits are applicable even on your best friend, sister, a dear cousin or an aunt. With family it’s even worse because their comfort level is greater!